If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
handjob tips. give me some.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You ruined the universe
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
