The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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