just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
