We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
