I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Randomize
