you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
