May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
