ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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