remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
