I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Randomize
