3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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