Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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