i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
