yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize