she was so not down for the gang bang
That's when you crack a 10am beer
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
