thus making me awesome and them whores
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
