Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
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