omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
