So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
