What did we do last night that was yellow?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Farmville is her only friend.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize