Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
