i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize