so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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