Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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