are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
