i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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