When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
