I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
