when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
