I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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