the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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