okay pat passed out under dana's car
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
