my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
