kristin has been a bad kristin
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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