i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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