Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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