my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
