You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
