I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i believe in u and ur pee
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
