the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
