How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Randomize
