I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
