What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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