I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
