oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We are all done wearing pants today
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
