Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
