it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
