we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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