Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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