I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
