Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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