So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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