I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
