do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
