So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
