he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize