just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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