She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
