i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You dont lie about slip and slides
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
