If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
