I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
