mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
