i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize