The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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