What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
