you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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