After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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