I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
