Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
