i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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